How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
