I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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