I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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