I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
