if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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