Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Randomize
