Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
