yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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