...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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