so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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