i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
