Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
