just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
