Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
