Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
