I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's shark week go big or go home
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
