woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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