I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
