the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
