idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
