I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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