zippers are such a cool invention
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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