The maid of honor just puked.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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