I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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