At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
