i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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