SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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