Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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