I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
