I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
