You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i barfeds in our rink
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
