Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
