Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There are leaves in my underwear?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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