Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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