I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't turn off my feet"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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