I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
