i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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