My sheets look like a crime scene.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
