you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
