It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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