I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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