I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
