Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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