Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
