it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
