Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
