I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
