Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Randomize
