I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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