Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
